The Cast: Tiefling Warlock Minotaur Paladin Elf Ranger Dragonborn Warlord
Dungeonmaster: Okay, so let's begin! How do you guys know each other first of all?
Tiefling: I have no idea who these people are. I just want to kill stuff.
Minotaur: I got lost in the woods, and I asked this Elf Ranger here for directions..? Yeah that's it.
Elf: I was hunting in the woods, and was about to shoot this minotaur, that is until it started to ask me for directions. Then we became friends!
Minotaur: Dude, you were gonna shoot me? That's whack.
Elf: Can you blame me? From 100 feet away you look like a cow. Elves gotta eat, you know.
Minotaur: You're a meat eater? I thought all elves were like vegeterians, eating berries and nuts.
Elf: Nah, we're omnivores.
Minotaur: Can you hook us up with some lembas bread?
Elf: That's Lord of the Rings. Wrong type of elves man.
Minotaur: Oh. My bad.
Dungeonmaster: How about you Dragonborn?
Dragonborn: I don't know..?
Minotaur: I think Mr. Warlord here has amneisa.
Tiefling: Sure sounds like it to me.
Dragonborn: Hey! Why am I the dumb one?
Elf: Nobody called you stupid, they just said you forgot.
Dragonborn: Forgot what?
Elf: Everything.
Dragonborn: Forgot everything? Won't that make me the dumb one?
Elf: Whatever works for you.
Tiefling: Can we kill something now? This is taking too long.
Dungeonmaster: OKOK. Let's begin. So you guys are traveling together as a band, seeking adventures, and you hear rumors about some problems with monsters over at the next town over. So here you 4 are, traveling together down this road. What's your party formation?
Dragonborn: Hrm, I'll lead the front, I am a Warlord afterall.
Tiefling: That's fine with me, let him be the meatshield.
Elf: I think I should scout up ahead, I do have elven eyes.
Dragonborn: No way, I'm leading first!
*Elf, Tiefling and Dragonborn sprint down the road, leaving Minotaur behind*
Minotaur: Dude! You guys gotta slow down! I only have +5 movement speed!
*ambush! 5 monsters jump out of the bushes and proceed to attack the three down the road. Elf and Tiefling step backwards, leaving Dragonborn in the front line. Dragonborn begins to get beat up. Minotaur is seen way in the back trying to catch up*
Dragonborn: HELP! I'm getting the crap beat out of me!
Elf: Do not worry! I shall use my super multishot arrow move and assault all of them at once!
*Elf draws her bow, shoot all the monsters - and misses every single one. Tiefling looks at Elf in disgust.*
Tiefling: ...Wow. For an elf your archery skills suck.
Dragonborn: LOL
Tiefling: No seriously, you give elven archers a bad name.
Elf: Whatever. I just need more room. I'm not comfortable fighting in such close quarters.
*Elf runs back further away from the fight, and stands behind a giant boulder. Elf attempts to shoot a single target, but misses again.*
Tiefling: Dude. Stop. Just stay behind the rock and don't hit us by accident.
*Tiefling casts a fireball and hurls it at 4 of the monsters. 2 at badly hurt and turn around to run. Tiefling motions to Elf that it is safe to attack the ones running away. Minotaur finally catches up to a bloodied Dragonborn, who thanks Minotaur as he begins to heal Dragonborn*
Minotaur: That's what you get! Leaving me behind. Some Warlord you turned out to be.
Dragonborn: LOL
*Minotaur and Dragonborn begin bashing monster heads as Tiefling continues to cast fireballs. Elf is seen shooting arrows from afar. Elf misses once more, and curses her luck.*
Elf: Man! Why do my dice rolling skills suck so bad!
Dragonborn: LOL
*The cast emerges victorious! With all the monsters slain (save for 1 monster that ran away that Elf tried to shoot), there was gold and treasure to be distributed*
Tiefling: Yo, what's our net profit?
Dragonborn: *counting coins* Well, we each started off with 50 gold before we began, so all together I had 200 gold pieces in my bag. These monsters had.. 3 gold 17 silver on them, so now we're up 203 gold and 17 silver.
Minotaur: Wow, you serious? That's like less than 2% gain.
Tiefling: Damn, adventuring is totally a non-profit venture. This blows. I think we're better off just putting our money in a Certified Deposit and just sitting on it.
Dragonborn: Hey man, CD's don't exist in this fantasy world!
Minotaur: It looks like the money gained from killing monsters will be used mainly for resting at the inn and repairing our armor and weapons. At this rate we're not getting anywhere, and we're risking our lives every time. Bah. We need a better way of making coin.
Dragonborn: Well, at least we got experience points.
Tiefling: True true. How much did we gain from this fight?
Dungeonmaster: 118 exp.
Tiefling: How much to get to the next level?
Dungeonmaster: You need 1000 exp to get to level 2.
Tiefling: ouch, we gotta do this like 9 more times? Talk about painful..
Elf: You know what we need? We need a healer.
Minotaur: I'm a healer.
Elf: No, I mean like a REAL healer.
Minotaur: What the hell does that mean? You got something against minotaur paladins, man? What are you, racist?
Elf: Whoever heard of a half bull/half man templar of god wielding a 2-handed warhammer that can heal? That doesn't make sense.
Minotaur: Me being a paladin would be the best way to min-max my stats for high damage output during close combat. Plus my racial abilities give me extra stats on endurance, so I can last pretty well in a fight.
Elf: You look rediculous. A minotaur paladin, bah! Besides, your healing skill still sucks tho, which is why we need a real healer.
Minotaur: Says the Elven Ranger that can't shoot 4 feet in front of her to save her life!
Dragonborn: Yeah, seriously. You need to level your archery skills or something, because that was just pathetic. How did you even manage to graduate from Ranger school?
Elf: Don't. Start.
Dungeonmaster: It's no big deal, this campaign was designed for a party of 5 anyway. You guys did pretty well!
Tiefling: Are we done here? If there are no more things here to blow up, let's continue our journey. I gotta kill something.
*Minotaur glances at Tiefling suspiciously*
Minotaur: What's with you and killing?
Dragonborn: Yeah, and what the hell is a tiefling, anyway? You got like, 2 little horns on your head and you have cloven hoofs for feet!
Tiefling: Wow, you geniuses finally figured it out huh? The red skin didn't give it away? Or my ability to cast fireballs, or me being a warlock? I'm a friggin demon, you dolts.
Minotaur: ... I should totally slay you. At least I think I'm supposed to, according to my Paladin teachings.
Tiefling: May not be a good idea. The Wife will get really mad.
Minotaur: True. Yo, does she know you're playing with us?
Tiefling: Yeah it's all good. She said she wanted to go shopping, so I was free for the afternoon. I gotta get home by 8 o'clock tho. I have my cell phone anyways if she needs to get in contact with me.
Dragonborn: By 8? Man, that doesn't give us much time. How come you gotta get home by 8?
Tiefling: Dude, one thing I never do, is never. Question. The Wife.
Minotaur: I totally gotta put that on xanga.
*amonst the treature, Elf finds a necklace. There are some strange markings on it, and it appears to have runic carvings of some sort. Perhaps used for some ritual?*
Elf: ... what the hell is this?
Dragonborn: Lemme take a look, I think I can identify it with my +7 religion stat.
Minotaur: I have +8 religion, I can figure it out if you can't.
Tiefling: I have +9 religion.
*Dragonborn and Minotaur look at each other, suprised at Tiefling's +9 to religion*
Dragonborn: Dude, didn't you say that you were a demon or something? How the heck do you have +9 religion?
Minotaur: Yeah man, I'm the friggin church-goin cow-pally, and you're more religious than me?
Tiefling: *shrugs* Don't ask me, the 4th edition Rulebooks say that I have +9 religion, so that's what I have. Besides, that necklace is an undead artifact, I doubt you would have much experience with knowing about the undead. Me being a demon and all, you know, has it's perks. My dad had one of these when I was a kid. Got it from winning the local poker tournament. I was grounded for months when I pawned it for my fireball kit.
Minotaur: Wierd, so having +religion doesn't necessarily mean you're more religious, it's just that you have more knowledge about religion?
Dungeonmaster: Yeah, something like that. Good and evil is based on your alignment anyways. For instance, you're lawful good.
Elf: Man, why does everybody else have so much knowledge about religion?
Dragonborn: Maybe you should have gone to school, instead of hanging around talking to trees all day.
Minotaur: anyways, so what do we do this this thing?
Tiefling: Let's sell it, I think we can get like 85 gold for it! At least that's how much I got when I pawned my dad's necklace..
Dragonborn: 85 gold? NOICE. Let's head to town first and look for a buyer.
Elf: Let's look for a healer..
Minotaur: I'm hungry..
Dungeonmaster's Wife: GUYS COME DOWN! It's dinner time, stop playing your game!
*the cast continues to walk down the road towards to local town*
